Extinction Bursts: Why Things Get Worse Before They Get Better

You're starving. You put a dollar into the vending machine, press B4, and wait. Nothing happens.

So you press it again, harder this time. Then you're jabbing the button five times in a row, rattling the coin return, and maybe giving the machine a shove you'd never admit to in public.

That button has worked every single time before. Why would you just walk away now?

That flash of frustration has a name in behavior science, and it's one of the most important ideas a parent or caregiver can understand. It's called an extinction burst.

Even royalty isn't immune. In a story retold in the Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, Queen Victoria followed Prince Albert after a heated argument and found he had locked himself in his study (Schlinger, 2007). She pounded on the door and announced every title she held: Queen of England, Scotland, Wales, and Ireland, Empress of India, and she ordered him to open it. Silence. She pounded harder. Only when she finally paused, tapped gently, and said softly, "Your wife, Albert," did the door open (Schlinger, 2007).

Now picture your own home on a Tuesday night. In Silicon Valley, the pace never lets up. Whether you're leading a team at Apple, shipping a product at Google, pushing deadlines at Tesla, scaling at Meta, or racing the next chip cycle at Nvidia, you come home already running on empty. And our kids feel the pressure too. They're growing up in one of the most competitive places in the world, with packed schedules, high expectations, and very little room to fall behind.

So you tell your child that screen time is over. The protest starts as a whine. Then it becomes a scream. Then your child is on the floor, and every part of you wants to hand the iPad back just to make it stop.

Here's what I want you to know: what you're seeing may not mean your plan is failing. It may mean it's working.

What "Extinction" Actually Means in ABA

In everyday life, "extinction" makes us think of dinosaurs. In Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), it means something much more hopeful: no longer providing the payoff that has been keeping a behavior going (Fisher et al., 2023).

Every behavior does a job for the person doing it. A child might scream to get attention, to get a favorite item, or to get out of something they don't want to do, like homework or a plate of vegetables (Moore et al., 2016; Tarbox, Schiff, & Najdowski, 2010). Extinction means the behavior stops doing that job.

This is also why extinction is not the same as "just ignore it." While “just ignoring it” can be an extinction procedure in some contexts, if your child yells to get out of eating dinner, ignoring them while they leave the table gives them exactly what they wanted. In that case, extinction means the expectation stays in place, calmly and kindly, through the protest (Tarbox, Schiff, & Najdowski, 2010). Getting the function right is everything, and it's the first thing a BCBA assesses.

What an Extinction Burst Looks Like

When the payoff stops, behavior often gets worse before it gets better. An extinction burst is a temporary spike in how often, how long, or how intensely a behavior happens right after extinction begins (Fisher et al., 2023). One clinical record review found bursts in about 24% of treatment applications (Muething et al., 2024).

At home, a burst might look like:

• Louder screaming or longer crying

• Dropping to the floor

• Throwing items or pushing work away (Moore et al., 2016; Tarbox, Schiff, & Najdowski, 2010)

• Brand-new behaviors you've never seen before

  
  

Why does this happen? Because your child is a good learner. That behavior has worked before, so trying harder is the logical next move (Fisher et al., 2023). It's the same reason you kept pressing B4 and started punching the vending machine.

The Danger Zone: Why Giving In Makes It Worse

This is the hardest moment in the whole process. Your child is melting down, you're exhausted, and you just want peace in your home because Tesla assigned you a deadline that’s approaching fast. If you've ever given in, you're not a bad parent. You're a human being.

But here's what happens behind the scenes. Two lessons get learned at the same time:

1. You learn that giving in brings instant quiet, which makes you more likely to give in again next time (Fisher et al., 2023).

2. Your child learns that a small protest no longer works, but a big one does (Fisher et al., 2023).

Without meaning to, we teach the loudest version of the behavior. Next time, the tantrum often picks up right where the last one ended.

Why "Worse" Is Actually Progress

An extinction burst is proof that your child noticed the rules changed. That's the first step toward real learning. Research shows that bursts tend to peak early and then decline over time, often dropping below where the behavior started (Muething et al., 2024).

There's one important rule, though: extinction should never be used on its own. It works best, and is kindest, when it's paired with plenty of positive reinforcement (Fisher et al., 2023; Muething et al., 2024).

Two common approaches are:

1. Differential Reinforcement of Alternative Behavior (DRA): Teaching and reinforcing a better way to get the same need met, like asking "Can I have a break?" instead of throwing the worksheet.

2. Noncontingent Reinforcement (NCR): Offering attention, breaks, or access to favorite activities on a regular schedule, so your child doesn't have to fight for them (Moore et al., 2016).

Instead of only taking away what doesn't work (ie., not allowing the tantrum to result in escaping vegetable time), you're giving your child something that does (ie., teaching them to say, "Can I eat just one this time instead of all of them?"). That's what keeps bursts smaller and makes change last (Fisher et al., 2023; Muething et al., 2024).

When to Bring in a Professional

Some bursts aren't safe to ride out alone. If your child's behavior includes aggression, self-injury, or property destruction, or if several caregivers (parents, nannies, grandparents, teachers) all need to respond the same way, it's time for expert support. A plan that's even slightly off can make behavior stronger and more intense, not weaker.

Partnering with BlackRock Behavior Group

You don't have to white-knuckle your way through the hardest part.

In a place like Silicon Valley, it's easy for families to get swept up in the pace. Without the right systems at home, small struggles like bedtime battles, homework refusals, and meltdowns during transitions can quietly grow into bigger ones. Children here are held to high standards in Silicon Valley, and they deserve support that's just as strong.

BlackRock Behavior Group provides luxurious, private ABA services for families across Silicon Valley. Every plan is led by a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) who takes the time to understand why your child's behavior is happening, then builds a reinforcement-rich plan that protects your child's well-being and fits the way your family actually lives. We assist everyone in your child's world, at home and at school, so that the whole team stays consistent when it matters most.

In Silicon Valley, time moves fast, and so does childhood. Time spent in a program shaped by corporate quotas and insurance limits, where plans can feel one-size-fits-all and the BCBA is stretched across too many cases, is time your child (or your family) doesn't get back. Private, BCBA-led care means your family gets focused, expert attention, with a plan built around your child instead of around a company's constraints and profit-first approach.

If bedtime, homework, or the next transition already has your stomach in knots, reach out today to schedule a free private consultation. Every family is allotted a free initial consultation with BlackRock, so why not take advantage? Let's make "worse before better" the shortest chapter in your family's story.

Book FREE Consultation: https://www.blackrockbehavior.com/contact

A Free Gift for Your Family

At BlackRock, we care about your family having real access to helpful resources, not just the families we work with directly. That's why we turned everything in this post into a free visual guide. It's an easy-to-follow PDF slide deck you can save, share with your co-parent or nanny, or keep handy for the next tough moment.

Download your free Extinction Bursts guide today: https://www.blackrockbehavior.com/product-page/why-behavior-spikes-before-it-settles-a-parents-guide-to-behavioral-progress

This is one more way we're different from companies with corporate constraints. We could charge for this guide. But at BlackRock, we believe helpful information shouldn't depend on a profit margin, so it's yours, free.

References

Fisher, W. W., Greer, B. D., Shahan, T. A., & Norris, H. M. (2023). Basic and applied research on extinction bursts. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 56(1), 4–28. https://doi.org/10.1002/jaba.954

Moore, T. C., Robinson, C. C., Coleman, M. B., Cihak, D. F., & Park, Y. (2016). Noncontingent reinforcement to improve classroom behavior of a student with developmental disability. Behavior Modification, 40(4), 640–657. https://doi.org/10.1177/0145445516629937

Muething, C., Cariveau, T., Bottini, S., Slocum, S., Williams, C., Gillespie, S., & Scheithauer, M. (2024). Descriptive characteristics of extinction bursts: A record review. Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 57(2), 372–382. https://doi.org/10.1002/jaba.1054

Schlinger, H. D. (2007). Does love or differential reinforcement open doors? Journal of Applied Behavior Analysis, 40(2), 385. https://doi.org/10.1901/jaba.2007.209-06

Tarbox, J., Schiff, A., & Najdowski, A. C. (2010). Parent-implemented procedural modification of escape extinction in the treatment of food selectivity in a young child with autism. Education and Treatment of Children, 33(3), 223–234. https://doi.org/10.1353/etc.0.0089